Have You Ever Been to Therapy?
How do you feel about therapy? Does the thought of sharing the most vulnerable parts of you feel scary?
"I have been in therapy most of my life. I have learned a thing or two."
Here are 6 things I have learned from therapy
1. Shop for the right therapist
There are many therapists out there. Some you can visit in person, and others virtually using Zoom. Therapists have their own methods of practice. Some listen, relying on you to solve problems as you talk in an open, trusting environment. Others introduce helpful tips as you speak.
Some therapists are goal-oriented and work with patients to establish and meet goals. Therapists can use a combination of methods in their practice. Hopefully, as you "test out" a therapist, you will find one who meets your personality and therapy needs.
The important thing I learned is to shop around. Have a few sessions and decide if the therapist works for you. Some have worked for me, and some have not.
You want to have someone with experience with your struggles. For instance, if you have been diagnosed with something, find a therapist with expertise.
Of course, you must consider therapy costs and may be limited in finding a therapist in your health network.
2. Be Open and Vulnerable
Remember, what you say in therapy stays in therapy. While it takes time to build trust, try to open up before you feel that trust. The more you open up, the more your therapist can guide you to creative solutions.
Start where you can. If you do not want to start with the most horrific thing that happened in your life, choose another starting point. At some point, I do encourage you to open up about everything.
If you have not been one to share openly before, this will feel awkward at first. Yet, with time, as you feel more trust, talking openly gets easier.
I have shared my marriage, children, childhood experiences, traumas, and beliefs. I have also shared my progress and how my choices and behavior are improving.
3. Don't Sugar Coat the Experience
You are not there to be liked or judged. If something made you irate, then state it. If you feel lonely, say it. Say how you feel as you open up about past experiences. Realize that it is okay to have various emotions about events.
There were many memories I explored with my therapist. Most of which incited negative, unfelt emotions, but that was okay. I got them out by talking through the experiences and feeling the feelings. This allowed me to process the memories and move forward. It was a difficult journey but worth it in the end.
For example, my mother had her hands full caring for my Down syndrome brother. My older sister was diagnosed with diabetes at a young age. I felt alone and isolated. I was desperate for someone to talk to and share my experiences. I needed my family to understand me and be there for me. I wanted them to be my rock in times of struggle.
I did not see the positive at first, but watching her care for them taught me the importance of resilience and resourcefulness. It also showed me the power of love and support. Instead, I focused on the feeling of loneliness. By talking about the experience, I could see my perspective lender's and my siblings' perspectives.
4. Revisiting topics is helpful
As you heal, you may remember more about a topic or event. Revisiting past topics is perfectly normal. You may have to talk about a particular trauma at length over the years before healing. Learning about emotions and feelings helped me move through my experiences.
There is a grieving process required to release trauma and memories. I learned this much later. Before learning this, I thought of events over and over in my mind. Remembering events over and over is a key that you have not yet worked through something.
5. Learn about emotions
Emotions go much deeper than the basic emotions of happy, sad, mad, etc. More significant emotions for happiness are ecstatic, joyful, and wonderful.
One prominent study from the University of California, Berkeley, identified 27 distinct categories of emotion, such as admiration, adoration, aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction. Emotion classification. (2024, December 4) In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion_classification
I encourage you to pay attention to your emotions. As my therapist says, "Get curious."
Initially, I was unaware of why I felt what I felt. Sometimes, the revelation of "why" came hours or days later. Later, I understood from listening to YouTube that exploring where Ifeltg emotions in my body was a good idea.
For example, I used to feel afraid anytime my husband came to talk to me. I felt worried I had done something wrong. I realized these feelings stemmed from our marriage when he yelled, which frightened me. Over the years, he has worked on this. Therefore, my feelings were a part of PTSD. I am aware of this now.
Fortunately, I learned that feelings do pass by sitting in my emotions, even the hardest ones to feel. I am sure you have heard someone say, "Feelings are like clouds." I now understand this by experience. When we feel our feelings, we honor them and ourselves.
6. Learn to sit in emotions
I was not identifying my emotions, never mind "sitting in them," as my therapist said. My therapist encouraged me by saying feelings come and go, and by sitting in them, I acknowledge them. I have since learned I can challenge them, too.
Resources
If you want to know more about finding the right therapist, I encourage you to select our "Resources" tab.
