Learning to Connect with my Teenage Self

Tips for connecting with your teenage self

1. Be open-minded to having a teenage self

I was super nervous about connecting with my teenage self. I was unsure of how she would react to seeing me. I was worried about our conversation and how it would affect our relationship. I was anxious about the outcome.

2. Remember your middle and high school experiences

I thought about my experiences in middle and high school. As an athlete, scholar, and rebel, I was busy in many activities.

I began looking at pictures of myself to recollect memories. I remembered my old boyfriend and being very jealous and insecure then. I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and regret. 

I realized that I had wasted precious time and that I could have had better relationships if I had just taken the time to work on myself.

3. Be gentle with yourself 

I decided that I would learn from my mistakes and strive to be a better person in the future. I was determined to make better decisions and to make sure to never make the same mistakes again.

4. Revisit painful experiences 

There were painful memories of abuse by a teacher. Recollecting the memories and feeling emotions, I suppressed was difficult. I was determined to never let anyone hurt me like that again. I was determined to be strong and to stand up for myself. I was determined to be the person I wanted to be.

5. Be self-compassionate

At the urging of my therapist, I looked back on these years with self-compassion. I was able to recognize my strength and resilience. I was able to forgive myself for the mistakes I had made and to move forward. I was no longer a victim; I was a survivor.

6. Remember the positive of what you learned 

Even though most of my strivings came from people pleasing, I am grateful for my studious habits. I am proud of the person I have become and the lessons I have learned. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and become a better version of myself.

I felt shame when remembering my peers making fun of me, calling me "teacher's pet" or "brown-noser." But I am proud of myself for being determined and for not giving in to peer pressure. I am proud of myself for not taking shortcuts and for working hard to achieve my goals. I am proud of myself for not giving up on myself.

7. Write letters, meditate, and do exercises to connect with your teenage self

In my letters to my teenage self, I healed. I connected with her in a way I did not think was possible. I felt for her and all she had been through. I told her she would be okay. I became a friend to her that I never had at that age. I admired her for all she overcame and her resilience in her struggles. I was able to forgive her for the mistakes she made. I was able to give her the love and support she never had. I showed her that she was not alone.

8.  Love your teenage self

The photographs gave me a chance to remember how pretty I was. I appreciated my youth and all my beauty. I cherished the moments I had with her and remembered the lessons she taught me.